Me, Myself and Lavanya

I still miss you and love you a lot, my baby. You might have forgotten me and started planning your bright future with your husband. What else you have to do! You got everything you wanted from life. You got a loving and caring husband with lots of money. Staying in the US and making a lot of new friends. You can’t imagine what you have done to me. I am not even able to be happy for a few minutes. I read your old messages every day. I miss you every day. I miss u a lot. You spoiled my life, my baby, my sweet little farex baby, my hippopotamus. I cry a lot every day reading your messages. I know you forget things very easily and I know you much better than any other person can ever know. I love you much more than you can ever imagine. You are a very good actor. You wanted someone with lots of money. Why didn’t you tell me that clearly? For you a car and a good house were always more important than love. This is what you call security. You are feeling secure now as you are married to someone who has all what you wanted. You have actually sold yourself to that person. He has purchased you from your parents. Even a fool can understand that! The way you are raoming all over the world with that person, I can guess how much money he has got. For you money was everything. You can’t imagine the situation im in now. I just want to die. You must be thinking, I keep on saying… I want to die.. so many times, still why am i alive! Right?

Just have a hope that, may be one day you will come back to me. I know its too foolish and stupid for a person like you to think of. May be you would become pregnant soon and then you will have many other things to do. But, why did you spoil my life, bitch? You are nicely enjoying your life in US. Showing off ur husband’s money, car, house to others. While you were sleeping with me, you never told me money is the most important thing to you. You look so innocent from the outside, but you are one cruel little, selfish lady who can do anything for money. Even an animal would be having more love in its heart. You just know faking things and acting. A person like you can never be happy for long. You are killing me each and every day slowly. You will deserve for each and every moment of pain I am going through. You will pay for every drop of tear that has come out from eyes. You will pay, not from your husband’s money. You will pay from your heart. Some time in your life you will realise.

You made me love you, spent so much time with me, and then just left me and married someone else. It’s because of people like you, love gets a bad name. You bloody liar, I will never marry and when I am about to die, you will surely hear from me.

She is trying all cheap means to get to know about me. What am I doing, where I am etc… She hasn’t felt the pain yet. The pain I am going through each and every day since she got married. Now, she has a husband who gave her all that she wanted from her life. Lots of money, a house and may be everything she ever needed. May be she’s got all the love she ever wanted from her husband. But I truly feel myself lucky, as I am the first person whom she called her “husband”. It meant a lot to me, when she told it. I wanted her and want her now also at any cost. May be I dont have as much money as her husband and don’t have my own house in Bangalore. But, I am sure no one in the world can love her more than I do. I love her the same way I used to in the past. The only difference is that, when I miss her a lot I can’t control my feelings. I cry a lot, try to divert my mind, do something creative, but I simply am not able to! I just need my baby to be happy. I still don’t understand why she left me after being so close to me. She might say everyone she knows that I forced her to love me! But a person who knows what LOVE is.. will never say love comes by force. I have written these many times before in this blog, but can’t help it, can’t stop thinking about her.

I still don’t understand why she deleted all the emails I had sent her. May be she doesn’t want her past to be disclosed to anyone. Now, this is what shows what her love was! May be I am wrong, may be she thought I can’t keep her happy. But, the only reason she has spolied my life is to, keep her parents happy. She wanted all the luxuries or a modern society. Love was always a second priority for her. I have proofs to justify each and every sentence I have written in this blog. I am not writing all this just for the sake of writing something bad or good. In the same blog, I have written a lot of nice things about my love, my baby, my sweetheart. After she came to know that I know a lot about her husband and what she was doing online, she changed her email passwords, and started sending me mails, as if she is missing me a lot!! Fucking bitch. One day she will come to know, money is not everything in life. She can’t go on flirting all through her life. One day, when her children come to know about her, I hope atleast they understand what T.Lavanya really is!!

I started this blog a year back, when she told me that I forced her to love me. This will continue till I am dead. I swear, I will never marry anyone else except her. Everyone who knows me well, knows how stubborn I am. I want the bitch to realize what she has done to me, to keep her parents happy.

Enjoy with the money from your husband and keep fooling him.

The way she has broken me in every way, the ways she has scolded me before getting married, she will learn lesson one day, in this life. She keeps on saying everyone she knows, that she knows what love is! I have said this before and I will say this till I die. No one can ever love her more than me. She may run and hide in any corner of the world, but she can’t escape my love. I loved her and I will love her all my life. She gained a lot by leaving me. She got a husband with lots of money, a house for herself and her parents and brother in Bangalore. Now, she’s just enjoying her life.

From Palamaner to Bangalore..from Bangalore to Johanesburg… and now to Atlanta!!! Long way to go dear.

This blog is my life and if anything unnatural ever happens to me only she will be responsible. T. Lavanya (Lavanya Mahesh)!!! Whatever she may pretend whatever she wants to tell the whole world, I know what she really is. She has runied my me. I dont have anything in my life now.  I am dead…

Every other night I get so many dreams about her, the nice days spent with her. She might be thinking I will forget her as time passes by and marry someone the way she did. She thinks she knows what pain is. She can’t tolerate even a bit of the pain I am going through every day after she got married. I never used to trust anyone easily. But, after this bitch ditched me, I can’t ever trust any other girl in my life. This is for the bitch : She might sleep with how many ever guys she wants, however, I can’t. She was the first girl I slept with and truly loved and will be the last.

She has completely ruined me and my life. I am not able to sleep properly without taking sleeping pills or drinking. Before leaving me the bitch said goodbye to my face! I still have all of her shit messages with me. All bloody lies. The bitch is the greatest liar I have ever seen in this world. I loved her so much, still the bitch was never satisfied. She wanted a husband with more money, a house and all the comforts of a modern world. I rarely used to ask that bitch to spend a single rupee on me, helped her whenever she needed any money, still she used to tell me, love is not everything in life! What the fuck? 

She left me alone to suffer. Only she can make me happy, make me smile. She could have stayed with me if she truly wanted. I want her back, I want to stay with my baby. I am missing her a lot. No matter what she has done to me, still I want her back. I will always wait for her. She always thought of her parents happiness and gave me a lower priority whenever it came to marriage. Spoke shit about love most of the time, if not all the time.

It makes me cry a lot, when I think of this bitch sleeping with another guy the same way she used to sleep with me…

She is going to Johanesburg, SA with her husband tomorrow, that’s 6th Nov, 2006. The bitch doesn’t even remember my email Id!! In just 3 months, she forgot my email ID also. What more can be expected from such a person? I am feeling too sick of myself! How the hell could I trust a person like this? She would regret very badly for what she done with me and how she has spoiled my life.

All the mails, n all the cards I had had sent her are gone. She deleted everything including the folders I had created for her in her inbox wherein she used to store my mails. This bitch calls herself a normal girl! She calls herself Lavanya Trivedi. The “Trivedi” in her name T.Lavanya is fake. She herself told this to me few months back in January, 2006. She’s a pure orthodox South Indian, a native of a Palamaner near Tirupati in Andhra Pradesh. No south Indian can ever have Trivedi as a surname! I bet you.

She has always taken everything from me, used them, and then broken them and thrown them. That includes my heart. I was a fool to trust this bitch. Even after she told me clearly that she would never leave her parents and marry me, last December. My parents, friends and everyone else who knew me tried to explain me a number of times, they told a bitch who can change her mind in 3 days regarding her life partner can never be faithful to anyone. Still I trusted her and did everything I could for her.

What more can you expect from a bitch who said, I forced her to love me! Anyone in the world who knows the meaning of love will never say that love comes by force. The bitch enjoyed with me and my money all through the time she was with me. Finally, left me and married a man at least 10 years older than her and is now waiting to go and get settled in Johanesburg, SA. She left her job by the end of July and got married on August 12th. Since then she is sitting at home and chatting with her old friends and over the Internet, creating new email IDs. Her VISA and passport everything are ready. May be this man, her husband fell for innocent looks and face, just like me. One day he will come to know the real bitch hidden inside her innocent face. It’s just because of her innocent looks, she kept on fooling me all through this time.

Long back in October 2004, when i didn’t know anything about this girl. We were just batchmates in a training institute, she asked me for my phone number and called me the same day itself. Then she started playing with my feelings. I had this feeling, that she’ll never understand the meaning of love, from the way she used to speak about love. She has always put down and spoken shit about love when things don’t go her way. By March 2005, she repeatedly kept on asking me, why am I so possesive about her and did I love her. I never replied to this question for a few months. She kept of asking the same thing every evening when I used to call her and talk for hours. All through the year 2005 she used my cell phone and most of the time I used to recharge the cell for her so that I can talk to her. She never spent a pie for me till May 2005, when she bought a shirt for me on my b’day. I didn’t like it a lot. I just wore it a few times because she had had bought it for me with her money.

It took her just 3 days to change her mind in December, 2005 when her parents took her back home from Bangalore when they came to know about our relationship. She sent me a message saying she can never scarifice her parents for me! I still have most of her messages in which she has made huge promises and talked about dying if she isn’t able to stay with me! All that was bullshit. She has spoken very cheap about me, even after taking so much help from me. There have been times, when she won’t be having even 10 rupees with herself. At the most difficult times I have helped her and she does have a very bad habit of forgetting such things. The day her purse got snatched on the streets of BTM 2nd Stage, I helped her lodge a complaint in the police station and made sure that she doesn’t lose anything. The bitch doesn’t know how much I have scarificed for her.

Last December, when my mom was in Bangalore to talk to her parents and come to conclusion regarding what they want or what this bitch wants from me, she or her parents didn’t respond to my mom’s calls. On April 29th, 2006 she was sleeping with me in a resort. About 1 month later she got enagaged to this man named Mahesh! Isn’t that too fast? Doesn’t it look kinda planned? It’s already been a year since I started repaying the loan I took for both of us. She’s least bothered about that. She hadn’t had to spend anything when she was with me. Now, she’s married and her husband earns a lot. she’s got lots of money to spend now.

More than a million times I should have told her that I love her and can’t stay without her. Still the only excuse she gave me before getting engaged to this man, is that I don’t have that confidence to keep her happy and give her a secured life. What the fuck was she doing with me all through this time till May 17th, 2006 if she knew I don’t have that confidence and I am a coward? The fucking bitch told me, I am a coward and left me. Actually, she didn’t have the guts to convince her parents or talk to my mom.

Wherever she goes, no matter whatever she tries to get me out of her mind, I won’t ever let that happen. May be for a few years she can hide her past from her husband, but not forever. She spoiled my life. I can’t ever trust any girl in my life. What about me now? This is question I asked her when I talked to her for the last time….

It’s been a long time since I updated this blog. On June 2nd, I got Chicken Pox and had to go home on a long leave of about 20 days. Returned to Bangalore on 22nd June and started going to office from 23rd. I don’t have an Internet connection in room since then and it’s getting difficult pressing down my thoughts. A lot has changed with Me, Myself and Lavanya in these few days. I am the same. Working in the same office, staying at the same place, rarely going out unless it’s anything important, like getting cash from the ATM, bringing something to eat etc. My office hours are from 11pm to 8am starting September 3rd. As the days are passing by, its getting very difficult for me to manage things. My weekly off’s i.e., Thursday and Friday are the most terrible. I just don’t have anything to do except thinking about her. Don’t get sleep without sleeping pills, alcohol. I will just kill myself if I don’t stay under some kind of addiction. I don’t want to die so early. Im just 25!Bought a TV on July 6th, just because I could keep myself occupied in my free time. If im not on pills, I can’t do anything. I know my life has become useless. No matter how much people close to me try to give me hopes, I can easily see my end. I loved her so much. She was with me till May 17th, that was my b’day. Suddenly, things changed so drastically that she got engaged to a guy her parents selected on June 2nd or 3rd, without telling me anything! As far as I know, she got married to that guy on August 12th. She’s just waiting for her passport and Visa now, so that she can go abroad with that guy. Most probably the day I got Chicken Pox, she got engaged the same day. I was feeling very weak and was not able to get up from the bed and go to the doctor. I sent a lot of messages asking her to help me. She never replied to any of those messages. Finally, on the 5th of June, with the help of one of my friends, I decided to go back home in a Taxi. It was a long journey of more than 1400 kms. It took nearly 25 hours for me to reach home from Bangalore. Few minutes before I reached home, I got a message from her saying that she was not able to send a message at least to me in 4 days, even though she knew I was so sick and wanted her help. She has taken my help in each and every possible way when she was with me, even for things which she should be able to handle alone. I was always thinking she is a kid. She fooled me so badly, I can’t ever trust any girl in my life. Both these months of July and August passed by and she never tried to contact me at least once. On July 4th, she sent me a mail asking me to contact her parents and try to convince them in some way. There’s a catch here! She’s already engaged to that guy a month back and then she asks me to convince her parents, who can’t understand any language except thier native language, Telugu. I can talk to them either in English or Hindi and anyone can easily guess, what her parents would understand if I talk to them. It’s not that I haven’t tried. Last December, when she herself said that she cannot scarifice her parents for my love, I should have undertood the real intentions of this girl and kicked her out of my life. I almost stopped talking to her in January. Once again she started calling and messaging me in February. Once again she started sleeping with me, making fake promises of staying with me no matter whatever happens.

She enjoyed with my money and me, all through the time since October 2004. I am still paying the debts for the loan I took last year and spent on us, and will keep on repaying it for another 3 years. Whenever, I used to ask her anything about this, eithier it would lead to a big argument or I would have to say sorry and bow down to her at the end! Just because she doesn’t she doesn’t go and ask for money to someone else by the end of the month, I used to ask her every time if she needs any money. She forgot everything and I was sure that she won’t ever come back to me when she got engaged in June and didn’t respond to my messages when I was so sick. She even threatened me saying that, she would file a complaint against me if I don’t return her the snaps that we have taken together, before her marriage.

All I know about her engagement and marriage is from the mails that she has sent to her frinds and the mails she’s got from that guy. I just have her email ID’s password. May be she would change that soon. She deleted all the mails I had sent her in these 2 years may be on August 30th or 31st. I just checked it few hours back and it forced me to write up this post. There’s just an empty folder in her Email inbox names “ashish”, where she used to save all my mails. She deleted every single mail I had ever sent her. I felt like crying seeing the empty folder. I am just so lost. I gave all my love to this girl, she always craved for more and more money. This cruel and hungry for money and guys lady, spoiled me and my future completely. There may be many people out there thinking that, I didn’t deserve her, some people may think this was what destiny had in store for me. I won’t ever agree to that, even if I die. I make my own destiny. I tried in all possible ways to get her and convince her that I would keep her happy. But she directly told me once in May, that I don’t have that confidence to protect her and keep her happy. Why didn’t she think all these before sleeping with me so many times??

Im totally drunk now coz, it’s Friday, my week off. Will continue this any time later if I manage to hang on to this life. Help me…

I returned from a 12 days leave from office yesterday at 7:00pm. Somewhat enjoyed the time spent at home and at my relatives places. It was too hot during the time I was there. Still I could manage to go out on my Honda Activa once in a while mostly during evenings. Didn't really want to leave my mom alone and come here. But, i don't have any other option left. I have a job here in Bangalore. She has a job in Berhampur (a 27 hour train journey from Bangalore). I can't just ask her to leave the job and come over here, coz the salary I earn is not enough for me to manage for 2 people in such a costly city as this! I am not feeling ashamed saying this after working for 1 year and 6 months here. Coz, I know whatever I do I give it my best. I sometimes hate my company for the low salary that they give me. Coz, I have seen a lot of people sitting and working beside me and earning almost double of what I get. Not because I am not competent and don't work well. Just because I didn't have the required amount of experience needed when I joined this job. This month my sal came down much lower coz of the 6 days leave I took in April during my dad's demise. I didn't know that they would consider it as a Leave Without Pay (LWP). Not sure about the next months sal too. Coz for almost half of the month of May I was on leave. Hope it doesn't come down further. Our shift timings will be changing from June 4th. It would be 8:00pm to 5:00am. Too bad. Won't be able to adjust to this timing soon I guess. The whole night we have to be working.

Things changed a lot since 24th May, when she told me that her engagement is fixed somewhere in June. She didn't tell me the exact date inspite of asking repeatedly. May be she thought I would try to create some problems! I haven't talked to her once also since that day. Once in while I have sent a few messages and mails to her in response to her calls and messages. She hasn't told me anything about the person with whom she would be getting engaged to, except the name. She says, she knows nothing more except the name of the guy! Umm.. not too smart.

She wants me to forget nearly 2 years that we have spent together and forget dreaming about her. This is what she wrote in the message when she told about her engagement on 24th May. That message was too rude, considering the fact, just few days back we were meeting and talking on the fone normally as every other day! Saying I love you to each other so many times! She says she's just a normal girl like every other girl from a highly orthodox family. The truth is she isn't. The way I know her in these 1 and a half years, truly no one else can in a lifetime. She likes putting the blame for her mistakes on others and especially me, coz she knows I can't hurt her ever. She knows how mad I was and I am for her. She knows each and every little thing about me, which even my mom or the closest of my friends don't know! Still she could take this decision.

She couldn't fight for me in front of her parents. She has blamed me for each and every little thing that has ever happened between us since the time we are together. In the initial days when I was too scared to say "I love you" to her, she repeatedly kept on asking, Ashish do you love me? Do you think whatever is happening between us, is love? I tried to control my emotions a lot during those days and neither of us proposed each other offcially to be the first! We just went along and landed here, where we are now.

I didn't take the birthday gifts she had bought for me. I did accept them on 17th May when she gave those to me, but after all those things happened on the same date coz of her dad and she left me alone saying that "I am sorry", I was very depressed. The next day at about 4:30pm she came near my PG to give me the gifts. I didn't take them. She scolded my mom saying that my sister died coz my mom ran away and married my dad. Nothing better can be expected from a girl whom has always spoken bad about love and taken the side of her parents instead of being with the person who loves her so much! I always scold her for putting down love and speaking to me whenever we are arguing over something. She can easily say 100 advantages of arranged marriages when times are not in her favour. She is a kind of person who always keeps on searching for an easy way to do everything, whether it is good or bad. She chose to go against me and with her parents long back in December 2005. Once again she started meeting me, saying the same things and doing the same things with me that she had been doing since long back. Till the end of February 2006 we weren't talking or meeting much. From March till May, everything was normal as before. I never forced her to come back to me, coz a girl who blamed me for forcing her to love me and mistreated my mom, can never know the meaning of true love.

Will continue this sometime later. I am not feeling well right now and I do have a lot of time now to update my blog. Keep reading…

I am feeling like using all the slangs I know on her. But I know I am feeling like this coz im really very angry n irritated at her now. I never had or thought anything bad about her from my heart. I was almost sure for what reason her dad came suddenly without informing. Now, it became clear. She told her dad has already matched her horoscope with some guy working in the US. She told, her dad will take her home once again as in December if she doesn't agree for the marriage! Now, what was I supposed to do or say? She was never ready for a registered marriage with me, even though after so many things had happened last December. She asked me "Will you take care of me?" I said, yes but not without a registered marriage. Beacuse, I am sure her parents and family will screw up my life and career if I don't take steps legally and without thinking anything about the future. I asked her clearly, what do you mean my taking care of u? All these days was I not doing that? Then I said, I know that your parents will surely screw my life if I do things like taking you away from your home without any legal proof. She is going to be 24 years old in a few months. If she agrees, we can easily do a registered marriage and then at least I'll have a legal document saying that we are married and I can take her to me whenever the time comes. Asked her once again before a few minutes. I am going home today at 11:15pm and told her only if she agrees for a registered marriage today, we are going to meet. She instantly said NO!!

She was always more concerned about her parents, their health, their money and her job. Just a few days back she sent money to her dad, coz he was in need. I just asked her, what can you do to help me, if your dad files an FIR against me saying that I kidnapped her daughter? I know it is quite possible. Once it happens, I myself will be in trouble! She will get away clean. This bloody Indian law just sucks. She told me, I am not confident of taking care of her when I asked her this. In return, she blamed me that I said that my life will be spoiled if I marry her! She knows very well how to twist n turn sentences and blame me for each and everything.

Till 3:30pm yesterday, I was thinking I would be going home nicely after spending my bday with her. But, everything is totally spoiled now and I am fully irritated at her responses to my questions. She told me she would meet me for the last time today!! HORSE SHIT!! Till yesterday she was saying I love you and God knows what all promises and decisions she had made.

I am really scared of her and her parents now. They can easily try to harm me in many ways if her marriage gets fixed somewhere else. I need to very careful with this lady's words now. I am feeling like becoz of her I would be in great trouble in the future.

Don't know if I can keep updating this blog regulary till I return to Bangalore on 31st May. But, will try my best…

We met in the morning at 10:30am to celebrate my bday. Sat in the park for a few minutes and then went to Udupi Garden's for breakfast. She bought a bouquet and a nice T-shirt for me as present. I asked her to keep it in her PG, and while returning in the evening I will take those and go to my PG, coz her PG is on the way to the restaurant where we had breakfast. Next, we went to Forum Mall, and booked 2 tickets for "Poseidon". It was a nice movie, somewhat similar to the Titanic theme. The movie got over at about 2:40pm and we came to KFC for lunch. We didnt even finish eating, she got a call from her PG care-taker saying that her dad is waiting for her in the PG. It was totally shocking for both of us! The last time her parents came without informing her was on December 14th. And there was a strong reason for that and it was a bit predictable. Now, niether me or she could understand why her dad came without informing and most of all why didn't he call her up directly and ask where she was? Instead, he asked her PG care-taker to call her up and tell that her dad was waiting for her in the PG!

I dropped her on the way and returned to my PG. I am too tensed now and don't know what is going to happen next. She said, she would call me and say whatever happens. Its already 5:30pm now, more than 1 hour has passed and she hasn't called. I sent few messages and tried calling her, but there was no response.

I don't want the same thing to happen once again!! For God's sake!!

Yeh! I will be 25 years old on the 17th of May, 2006 Just one more day to go! But I aint feeling very excited about it, coz of these ups and downs going on in my life. Fights, argumets and compromises, have become too much to handle these days. That's about it. No special plans for this birthday. Not yet decided anything about my future. Just letting life take its toll on me. Waiting for 30th May, coz I'll be completing one year of my job as a Technical Support Engineer in Hewlett Packard. I feel there's something to be really proud about it, coz I know I have done my job sincerely and with enough dedication. Got two customer appreciation mails today! Many of you reading this may not be having a clue about what I am talking. Anyways, that's okay. If you have ever worked for a customer support or technical support company, then only you would get an idea of it.

She's bought a T-shirt for my b'day. Still we aren't talking normally. Don't know how these two days are going to be before I go home on 18th. I am not too excited about going home, coz at one point of time I was feeling bored of this job. But now its kinda okay.

Not sure if I'll be able to keep this blog updated while I am at home, coz I dont have Internet access there and it's not possible to go to cafe and write all these. I need my own private space to open up my mind, where no one will be there to disturb me.

Cheers!! Make a great day

We have had a lot of discussions and arguments going on regarding our sun signs lately. I am a Taurean and she's a Libran. She always keeps telling me that Taureans are too possesive and that's one of the bad qualities of us. The one major difference between Taureans in Librans which I haven't ever told her is that Taurus is always very faithful, but Libran's are the biggest flirts! Open any alstrology book or web site if you don't believe me. A flirt never likes possesiveness, don't you think so? I was searching for some good explainations of Taurus/Libra couples. Have put in some information here, which practically happens between us.

Libra/Taurus Love Match

In this match both work to develop a higher mind and embrace all aspects of the world of art which should provide an excellent basis for their relationship, but Libra can aggravate Taurus no end with his quick changes such as: one week throwing himself or herself into his/her work to such an extent that he/she will hardly notice Taurus' existence, and the next, Libra will wallow in complete laziness, putting off all decisions that need to be made.

Taurus likes to plan life but libra will make no such commitment and this can lead to some violent abuse on both sides. If Taurus is female she will want a man that works steady and provides a good income, but Libra hates routines of any kind and will oftentimes look for employment that will give him/her room for self expression.

In plain simple language, Libra is the worst kind of flirt and uses this as an ego booster and nothing else, but the Taurean jealousy would not be able to put up with this for very long. To have this relationship have even a small chance Taurus must learn to put up with it. Libra usually tolerates The jealous outbursts of Taurus. If Taurus makes decisions about their relationship he/she needs to be right as Libra will lay the entire blame on Taurus.

Their sexual attraction is likely to be so strong that they can escape some of the personality problems in bed, but sooner or later they reach the conclusion that they must live with the world and this will slowly undermine their sexual relationship. Unless the charts are very well aspected for these two the union is not likely to last too long. Not recommended, and not a match made in Heaven.
The above text is from here.

Just remember that when you're involved with a Taurus, you're involved with a sensualist, a nature lover, an indulger and a money lover. When you're involved with a Libra, you're involved with a peacemaker, a diplomat, a balancer and a glamor puss.

If you can give a Taurus security, beauty, nature and pleasure you have a better chance of getting their love and affection. If you can give a Libra class, style, fairness and equality then you have a better chance of getting their love and affection.

Taurus likes to touch nice things, own nice things, wear nice things, eat nice things and have nice things. For Taurus touch or the physical world is real and gives comfort. In fact, "I Have" is something of a philosophy for Taurus. Libra is a nice person and tends to be a bit more cultured and "better" than others. Usually, Libra is also diplomatic enough to keep your superiority complexes in check. The more that Libra becomes fair-minded, impartial and unprejudiced, the happier Libra becomes.

Essentially, Taurus needs to be assured that everything's O.K., safe and secure. Once that's taken care of Taurus is ready for gracious living. That is to say, Taurus need some good food, antique furniture and passionate sex. Libra has the potential for much social intercourse and favorable public contact. To really thrive, Libra needs to be part of a loving, committed "marriage."

It is important that Taurus acquire some mastery over the physical, practical and earthly world. Then, paradoxically, Taurus must learn to let go. Taurus will only find security by acquiring a sense of self that is separate from possessions. Actually, it's not so much about what you possess Taurus, but about not being in "survival jeopardy."

In the relationship between Taurus and Libra adjustment is key. You both need to give more than you get. This association requires extra sensitivity. At first, each may be somewhat irritated about each other. In time, with work, the very thing that caused the irritation may lead to personal fulfillment. You can't force growth in this alliance- go along with the changes. To beat the odds, change your routines.

All things being equal, Libra prefers civil conversation. Libra usually does not find reason for raised voices or crude language at inappropriate times. Embarrassment can be an issue for Libra. Libra likes to ask for advice, but does not like to be told what to do. Libra needs a cushy job in a swanky environment.

The above text is from here.

Some more about Taurus/Libra is here.

May be we don't deserve each other,may be she doesn't or may be I don't. Times are becoming tougher as the days are passing by. On 16th April, she had almost given up all hope on being with me. The reason being, she feels I dont let her do things independently as she always wants. We have had a lot of arguments and discussions on this topic, but never we have arrived at a conclusion till now. Both of us are stubborn enough to listen to each other. As she always says, until she feels that there is something wrong in whatever she is doing or has done, she would never feel sorry about that. I am not the same. I do try to understand whatever people tell me (people whom I care about) and many times think upon what they say very seriously. Anyways, that's a different topic…

Day before yesterday, at 6pm her brother called and asked her to just listen to her parents and agree to whatever they want. He said it in a very rude way though! Basically, he is a person who doesn't talk too much and he's 2 years younger to her. It was the first time, he talked so rudely to her. As both of her parents are diabetics, they have been blackmailing her taking their health as a ground, and in a way threatening to kill themselves if she doesn't oblige to them! That's quite obvious for people who are from a very conservative familiy and prefer getting their children married within their folks. Yea.. they do it to preserve their caste, heritage, familiy history etc.

Anyways, they are going to get her married by the end of this year. I have this feeling that something too bad is going to happen, but I am not finding any ways to stop this from becoming too much of hell…

Yes, a re-take just happened. She told the same thing to me once again that she had already told me once before in January, when her parents forced her to leave me. A lot of changes happened in both of our lives. Somehow, we were together once again by mid February, throught March till the first week of April. She had to go home on April 5th and we had a big argument on this topic. I didnt want her to go, as my sixth sense said something really wrong is going to happen soon. Anyways, she had to go and she went.

Her parents have started bugging her for marriage very seriously and they are not even willing to talk to me or my parents once also, to know my opinion. She has started avoiding me and has almost stopped talking to me for no obvious reason, exactly as it happened in January. I wasnt sure about all this until she told me about it today before a few hours. In some corner of my mind, this thought was there, but I really didnt think that she would break up due to her parents once again and start avoiding or ignoring me! Anyways, it's happened once again and I am feeling too bad about myself and whatever happened. It should have!

Just few days back, we were roaming all around the city together, having dinner together smiling looking into each others eyes. Its simply too much for me to imagine! I am feeling like she has kicked me out of her life and I am on the ground, wounded and bleeding. The reason for all this to happen is : her parents don't like me, neither do they want to hear anything about me, no matter how much ever she tries. They are threatening to kill themselves if she thinks about getting married to me! That's the reason all this happened once again. It's gonna be a re-take starting from today onwards, I guess.

She's helpless. She loves both me and her parents and can't sacrifice anyone for the sake of getting the other. Yes, you guessed right! At the end of the story, its me who's gonna get kicked out of this drama.

Don't you think so? I can't be wrong…

I just started making a web site for the best mom in the world, My Mom Have a look at the page here : My Mom's page
Cheers!

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Yesterday, we met at about 11am and had breakfast at Udupi Garden’s. Then we started of to the Forum Mall at about 12pm. The day before yesterday, we had booked the tickets for “Brokeback Mountain”, 5pm show at PVR Cinema Europa. Got nice seats inspite of it being a Saturday. We were talking for quite some time in front of Forum and then had some snacks and juice.

Next, we started of to Amoeba (a game parlour for kids). She likes playing basketball there. Since many days she wanted to gift me key-chain. If you score 40 points there, they give one key-chain. She played 4 coins and got 40 points!! It was really good. I liked that. Both of us were very happy after the game ended. She got me a key-chain after redeeming those points. Then we had something to eat in Transit.

Now, it was time for the movie. It started at about 5:10pm. By 7:30pm it ended and we moved into “Firangi Pani” a kind of pub with an Irish feel. However, it was not as we expected. The atmosphere was too noisy and the music was too bad. The entry pass of Rs. 300 is not worth paying for. Anyways, we were already in. She had a glass of wine and I had some beer and a Skull-breaker. We didn’t take too much food. She had to go to office at night and we had to return soon. By 9:30pm we were back at our places. She called me for a few minutes after I reached PG. Then both of us went off to sleep.

Overall, it was a nice day

This is what she asked me today. She kept on blaming me for scolding her and talking rudely to her as she has done every time since the time we are together. She always thinks whatever she does is always right, no matter how much ever one tries to explain her. She told me that I have a bloody gob (a slang for ‘mouth’ that she uses). She disconnected the fone and asked me not to talk to her as she does every other time. She told me that “I am talking shit.” and a lot of other slangs that she frequently uses for me and many other people. She always pretends that she is too innocent and people take her for granted. Actually, its the other way around. She makes people think like she’s innocent, and takes people for granted. In these few days, from March 1st to 5th, I took care of her so nicely coz she needed help. Each and every minute when she had to talk to me, I was with her. I never left her alone. She was never grateful for what I’ve done for her or in what ways I’ve helped her. And, the most sick part of this is that, she says it very proudly that whatever she wants she’ll do, no matter if it hurts the person who loves her the most.

In February, when she went home she cursed me and said that God will punish me for being so rude to her!! She went home for a puja. The puja has already shown results, as I’ve written in the last post on March 2nd. The problem with her is that, she thinks everyone should like whatever she likes!! Coz, she likes it! Aint that disgusting? I don’t know why I love her so much or why am I still with her or why I care for her so much.

She always uses all kinds of slangs possible at me. I never use any and inspite of asking her several times to stop using them, she never stopped and till today she’s using it on me and everyone else. She crossed her limits today. She asked me “Who the hell you are to talk rudely to me every time?” I felt so bad, that I loved and I’m still loving such a person, a person who doesn’t have any respect for her partner. When I’ll be speaking something seriously, she’ll always laugh and make fun of me, coz she knows that I’ll get irritated by that and she enjoys that, so that she can get a chance to say that I’m scolding, fighting and talking rudely.

As far as I know her, I can swear and say that, she’s ungrateful and selfish. The only reason for which Im with her till now is that I love her. I don’t think many people can tolerate such behavior from thier partner and still love him/her the same way. I always kept on forgiving her and not taking it too much personally when she used to use slangs at me. But, today she crossed her limits by saying this! Not just once, she asked me the same question 3 times making fun of me and my love. After that she said, God will punish me.

Well, let me see…

The reason for all this to happen was that, she was going on neglecting me and I did a mistake by asking her, why she was doing that. She doesn’t have any respect for the person who has helped her so much when she needed neither is she grateful for anything. Selfishness, is just what she knows. She just cares for herself…lives for herslelf… does a job for herself and eats and sleeps for herself.

It was a superup evening with DJs Karl, Tyron And Praveen. Yesterday, we met for the second time at 7:15pm to spend the evening at Sparks, one of the best pubs in Bangalore. Both of us like the music, the cool atmosphere and people in there. The last time when we were here, was on her b’day, more than 5 months back. We reached there at about 8:15pm and the party went on till 11:30pm. We enjoyed each and every minute of it! By the time we returned to our places, it was mid-night.

My baby likes Virgin Mary and Red Wine! I like the way they make B-52’s there. Had some beer too. Both of us were in our own small, cute, happy little world all through the time. Once we entered the pub, we switched off our cell phones. While we were returning it started raining heavily. This was the first time it rained here in 2006. It was quite unusual.

So many ups and downs, so many fights, arguments, so many nice moments spent together. Ours is a unique love! Just eagerly looking forward to the day, when we’ll be together for life.

We haven’t made any plans for today yet. Both of us are having offs today also and most probably will be spending the day together. She woke me up at 7:30am and I just thought of blogging this down! Gotta get ready now to meet my baby…

Yesterday we met in the evening at 7pm, after a long gap. Spent some time in the same park in BTM 2nd stage. Left at about 9:20pm. Both of us were very happy meeting after a long time. I left her near Swadista Aahar and returned to my pg as usually, still thinking about the nice evening. I was almost near my PG, when she called me crying from someone’s cell to tell me that a person snatched away her purse exactly when she was about to enter her PG!! I was totally shocked! Couldn’t speak for a few seconds. She was crying and asking me to come and help her. I was also feeling like crying. I dont know why God punishes her and hurts her so badly in every way.

The place where she stays is just beside a busy main road. It was not even 9:30pm at that time. Both of us just got our salary. She had made so many plans to buy a few salwars, pay her credit card dues etc. God sent a bastard from somewhere this unfateful night to spoil her plans. My baby was smiling and was very happy when I was returning to PG. The next moment she was crying out desperately. She came running on the streets and hugged me and cried more after I ran and reached near her PG….

The SOB not only took away her purse, he pushed my baby on to the streets and she was hurt, bleeding at her elbows, knees and her palms were scratched. I felt like killing the bastard, but neither she nor anyone nearby had any clue about what had happened there! That was so fucking strange!! That stretch of the road was a bit dark, usually a armed cop would be there, but yesterday no one was present. The connecting road was also almost free for anyone with a bike to easily escape. He was wearing a helmet and a black jacket. We had no other information. She had everything in the purse starting from her debit, credit cards, company badge, her cell phone, a chocolate she had got as a gift from her office. Everything was gone.

Instantly we went to a nearby cyber cafe and transferred her whole salary to my debit card. Then we tried calling Citibank to block the credit card, but the buggers didnt receive the calls. Finally, after I reached office I blocked it online.

After coming out of the cafe, we went to Madiwala Police Station to lodge an FIR. It was needed to block her mobile SIM. The SOBs there said BTM 2nd stage is not under their jurisdiction and dropped us at Mico Layout Police Station, nearby BTM layout. By the time the FIR was filed it was almost mid-night. The police vans dropped both of us at our places. Her room-mates dressed her wounds, made her take dinner and were awake till she slept. Nearly, at 3am she went to sleep. By 5am I got my first break at office and called her room-mates cell, to talk to her. She was still not able to stop crying. Anyhow, I asked her sleep peacefully. Luckily her salary and card are safe. But, the bastard took away my baby’s cell. She bought it just 2 months back and loved it a lot. The SOB who did this will die like a diseased street dog is crushed by a speeding truck on a highway.

I can’t think of a single reason God has to create such animals in this nasty world….

Anyways, my baby is safe now…

It was one of happiest days we’ve spent together in 2006. Both of us were together almost throughout the day. Yesterday evening we met for a few hours and decided to go for a nice movie today. We had decided to go for the 10am shows, but by the time we woke up today it was past 9am. So we decided to go for any other shows. Currently, there are no nice movies showing here. I slept at about 1:30am yesterday night. Had set the alarm at 9:15am. Before the alarm rang, she woke me up sharp at 9am. Both of us were lazy to get ready so soon. By 9:30am she got ready and took breakfast. I was checking my mails till that time and slowly got ready. We met sharp at 10:30am.

I had a Masala dosa and both of us had tea, in a nearby restaurant. We thought of spending some time in our favourite park. However, it was too sunny and we decided to go to Forum Mall directly. Booked 2 tickets for the movie “Fight club”, 1pm show. Did some window shopping and had some potato chips sitting at one of our favourite places (the staircase in front of PVR Cinemas)! The movie wasn’t so nice, just kinda okay. By 4pm it ended and we had some cold chocolate at Cafe Coffee Day. Then we spent some time in front of the Forum Mall, may be 15 to 20 minutes. She was looking cute and sweet

By 5:30pm both of us were a bit tired, but still we were roaming all over the place and went into Landmark, one of the best book stalls here and started reading some horoscope books. Had a nice time reading a few quotes and articles. Then a few other shops in the same complex and finally by 7:30pm we went to Transit (The Lounge). I had a papdi chat and she had samosa. Spent some quality time there and returned to our places by 8:15pm. She had dinner in the PG and called me at 9pm to say gud nite.

I was writing this post at that time. Above all, we had a great day today!! Touchwood!

I love my baby:)

From today onwards, my shift timings have changed from 1:30am to 10:30am IST. Fortunately, she too has the same working hours as mine. For her it doesn’t change so frequently. My shift timings change every month. She called me early in the morning in her breakfast break. I was just about to go to sleep at that time. I woke up at 4pm. Once again she called at 5:15pm. These days mostly she wakes before 5:30pm or at max., 6pm. We talked for sometime. Both of us want to see each other, but we’re not able to ask each other to come directly! It’s become difficult these days.

For those of you, who might be thinking this is just another love story… IMHO .. its NOT! We love each other like crazy and have seen many ups and downs in love, friendship and sacrifice. Fortunately, we met today at 8pm in a supermarket here in BTM 2nd stage, Bangalore. Stayed together till 9:30pm, then had dinner and returned back. Both of us would get ready for office at the same time from today. I just hope my shift timings don’t change so frequently. I am supposed to stay in this shift till 3rd March, 2006.

We had a nice time together today. The problem with me is that, my mood fluctuates very fast. I get depressed and sad very soon! This could be one of the major reasons for all the fights we had till now.

Anyways, I am just hoping for the best. Coz, I can’t do without her.. She’s my baby

This is what she told me while going to her home today. She was in the bus, too tired, hungry and sleepy. She returned from her office, had some food, washed her clothes and left for Majestic (the main bus terminal in Bangalore). She had to board a bus for Palamaner, her home town. I slept very late yest night and before going to sleep kept the cell in silent mode. She had tried calling me few times. I came to know and read her msg only after I woke up at 2pm. I had set the alarm in my cell, else I would have not woke up so early!

She told me, whatever she was feeling, irritated, moody etc., while in the bus. Sleeping is the only thing she loves most and if she doesnt get a proper sleep for atleast 5 to 6 hours at once, she becomes like this. She asked me not to call her when she was at home. I said, ok I won’t. Yesterday, both of us met once again after January 12th. It was nice. We spent nearly 3 hours together. Both of us were happy. Before she went to office yesterday night at 12:30am, were talking for nearly 20 minutes. She said that she loves me and gave me a MUAH!

I wished her a Happy Journey…:-)