Me, Myself and Lavanya

It’s been a long time since I updated this blog. On June 2nd, I got Chicken Pox and had to go home on a long leave of about 20 days. Returned to Bangalore on 22nd June and started going to office from 23rd. I don’t have an Internet connection in room since then and it’s getting difficult pressing down my thoughts. A lot has changed with Me, Myself and Lavanya in these few days. I am the same. Working in the same office, staying at the same place, rarely going out unless it’s anything important, like getting cash from the ATM, bringing something to eat etc. My office hours are from 11pm to 8am starting September 3rd. As the days are passing by, its getting very difficult for me to manage things. My weekly off’s i.e., Thursday and Friday are the most terrible. I just don’t have anything to do except thinking about her. Don’t get sleep without sleeping pills, alcohol. I will just kill myself if I don’t stay under some kind of addiction. I don’t want to die so early. Im just 25!Bought a TV on July 6th, just because I could keep myself occupied in my free time. If im not on pills, I can’t do anything. I know my life has become useless. No matter how much people close to me try to give me hopes, I can easily see my end. I loved her so much. She was with me till May 17th, that was my b’day. Suddenly, things changed so drastically that she got engaged to a guy her parents selected on June 2nd or 3rd, without telling me anything! As far as I know, she got married to that guy on August 12th. She’s just waiting for her passport and Visa now, so that she can go abroad with that guy. Most probably the day I got Chicken Pox, she got engaged the same day. I was feeling very weak and was not able to get up from the bed and go to the doctor. I sent a lot of messages asking her to help me. She never replied to any of those messages. Finally, on the 5th of June, with the help of one of my friends, I decided to go back home in a Taxi. It was a long journey of more than 1400 kms. It took nearly 25 hours for me to reach home from Bangalore. Few minutes before I reached home, I got a message from her saying that she was not able to send a message at least to me in 4 days, even though she knew I was so sick and wanted her help. She has taken my help in each and every possible way when she was with me, even for things which she should be able to handle alone. I was always thinking she is a kid. She fooled me so badly, I can’t ever trust any girl in my life. Both these months of July and August passed by and she never tried to contact me at least once. On July 4th, she sent me a mail asking me to contact her parents and try to convince them in some way. There’s a catch here! She’s already engaged to that guy a month back and then she asks me to convince her parents, who can’t understand any language except thier native language, Telugu. I can talk to them either in English or Hindi and anyone can easily guess, what her parents would understand if I talk to them. It’s not that I haven’t tried. Last December, when she herself said that she cannot scarifice her parents for my love, I should have undertood the real intentions of this girl and kicked her out of my life. I almost stopped talking to her in January. Once again she started calling and messaging me in February. Once again she started sleeping with me, making fake promises of staying with me no matter whatever happens.

She enjoyed with my money and me, all through the time since October 2004. I am still paying the debts for the loan I took last year and spent on us, and will keep on repaying it for another 3 years. Whenever, I used to ask her anything about this, eithier it would lead to a big argument or I would have to say sorry and bow down to her at the end! Just because she doesn’t she doesn’t go and ask for money to someone else by the end of the month, I used to ask her every time if she needs any money. She forgot everything and I was sure that she won’t ever come back to me when she got engaged in June and didn’t respond to my messages when I was so sick. She even threatened me saying that, she would file a complaint against me if I don’t return her the snaps that we have taken together, before her marriage.

All I know about her engagement and marriage is from the mails that she has sent to her frinds and the mails she’s got from that guy. I just have her email ID’s password. May be she would change that soon. She deleted all the mails I had sent her in these 2 years may be on August 30th or 31st. I just checked it few hours back and it forced me to write up this post. There’s just an empty folder in her Email inbox names “ashish”, where she used to save all my mails. She deleted every single mail I had ever sent her. I felt like crying seeing the empty folder. I am just so lost. I gave all my love to this girl, she always craved for more and more money. This cruel and hungry for money and guys lady, spoiled me and my future completely. There may be many people out there thinking that, I didn’t deserve her, some people may think this was what destiny had in store for me. I won’t ever agree to that, even if I die. I make my own destiny. I tried in all possible ways to get her and convince her that I would keep her happy. But she directly told me once in May, that I don’t have that confidence to protect her and keep her happy. Why didn’t she think all these before sleeping with me so many times??

Im totally drunk now coz, it’s Friday, my week off. Will continue this any time later if I manage to hang on to this life. Help me…